brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
