They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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