We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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