is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
operation have a gay friend backfired
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
