i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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