I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
