well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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