cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
