I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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