The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
