I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How's work?
Spinning.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
