please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
