the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
