I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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