Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
