it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
