pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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