Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
