There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
