Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
