Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
