Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
