i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
