nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think a kid would responsible me up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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