Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
