I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
