Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
