Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
