No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
