i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
