Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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