since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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