everyone is single if you try hard enough
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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