I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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