my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
