You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
