I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
