When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
PANTIES FOUND
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