my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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