I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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