anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
