WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
