im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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