I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
