East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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