I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
