Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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