i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
