shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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