How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
