Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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