Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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