people are starting to question the shark bite story
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
