i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
