You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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